before sunset (or a sense of my life since that night)

...For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.

Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's... never around?

Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!

No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...

Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster... I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone... it's better than... sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely.
It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times... You... you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true, I haven't been... screwed over, I've just had too many... bla relationship. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but... they were no real... connection, or excitement. At least, not from my side.

God, I'm sorry, is it... Is it really that bad? It's not, right?

You know... it's not even that, I was... I was fine. Until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit out from you, It reminded me how... genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and... now it's like... I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way... I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like... somehow this night took things away from me and... I expressed them to you and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.

You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny... Every single of my ex-es... they're now married! Man go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and... that I taught them to care and respect women!

I think I'm one of those guys.

You know, I want to kill them! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked!!! But it's my fault, I know that it's my fault, because... I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is... EVIL! Right?

Can I talk?

You know, I guess I've been heart broken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, form the starts, I make no effort. Because I know exactly what hap...

(…)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get you, or anything. I mean, all I need is married man! There's been so much water under the bridge, it's... it's not even about you anymore, it's about that time, that moment in time, that is forever gone, I don't know!

(…)

I'm... I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. I just... I had to let it all out. I...

Don't worry about it.

I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as... like... you know, I'm detached, but I'm... I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb, I don't feel pain, or excitement... I'm not even bitter, I'm just...